Dear Community,
If you're reading this, I hope that you've found a soft place to land this holiday season — a space where your body can exhale and your nervous system feels held.
As much as I wish that is the case for us all, I know the holidays can bring complicated emotions. For a lot of us, the holidays represent layered histories and mixed company.
This time of year can put us in rooms with people — family, extended relatives, childhood friends — whose values or perspectives don’t align with our own. And even the people we love deeply don't always see the world, or the freedom dream, the way we do.
So it makes sense that around this time, I get messages like:
"How do I stay grounded with that family member?"
"What's the conflict-brave move when someone says something completely sideways?"
"How do I honor my values in real time?"
When these questions come in, I always come back to the tool I teach inside the Conflict Bravery Masterclass — my Conflict Bravery 2x2 Matrix. It's a framework that helps you stay rooted when conflict walks into the room. It offers guidance on brave responses to conflict, depending on who you’re engaging with and the resources available to you.
Conflict Bravery 2x2 Matrix
At its heart, the tool invites you to ask two grounding questions before you step into a conflict-brave conversation:
1. What resources do I have right now?
Check in with yourself:
Do I have the energy? Is my body and mind actually available for this?
Do I have the time? Is there enough time for an honest, meaningful conversation — not a rushed hallway moment between appetizers?
Do I have the environment? Is there even a corner of this space where honesty can breathe?
2. What is my relationship with this person?
Ask yourself:
Is this someone I've built trust with? Someone who's earned access to the deeper parts of me? Or is this a once-a-year relative who barely knows who I am?
If you have both — resources and relationship — then engaging might actually open something meaningful.
If not? Then the bravest, most self-honoring move might be to pause, step away, or not engage at all.
Altagracia facilitating a staff retreat
Being Conflict Brave isn't about crafting the perfect clapback. It's about creating the possibility for change — and let's be real, not every holiday environment is built for transformation.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is choose peace, conserve your energy, and walk yourself back into alignment.
Practical Ways to Care for Yourself This Season
If you've been invited into a space where you know you may not feel fully seen or supported, remember: you are not obligated to go. Sometimes the bravest move is not showing up to the function at all.
Protecting your peace is a valid plan. But if you decide you need to attend — because life is layered — here are a few grounding practices to take with you:
Center yourself before you go. Grounding breaths, a quiet moment, intentional stillness.
Decide your exit time — and honor it. You're allowed to leave when your body says, "Enough."
Choose a point person. Identify someone in the room who feels safe, steady, and attuned.
Take breaks. Step outside, breathe, touch the earth, regroup. Your nervous system deserves care.
Ask questions. If you happen to be pulled into a conversation where someone says something sideways, responding with a simple question hands responsibility back to the person who said it, without you carrying emotional labor that was never yours to hold.
Whatever you choose this season — showing up, stepping back, or something in between — know that you're not alone in navigating these tender spaces. The work of staying true to yourself while honoring your relationships is sacred. It's also work that doesn't have to be done in isolation.
Whether you're navigating family dynamics, workplace tensions, or community conversations, there are frameworks that can help. If this resonates, know that I am here to support.
With love,
Altagracia 🌻
Ready to Build Conflict Bravery?
Altagracia facilitating a team retreat
If you're ready to cultivate Conflict Bravery in your life or within your team, simply reply to this email with the word "Bravery." I'll connect with you personally to guide you toward your next best step.